Whoa. Is that Snow!? November 24, 2007

Well the past week or so has been eventful to say the least. I came home last weekend for a few reasons. A) I didn’t feel like chillaxin at school…there is nothing even semi interesting that goes on during weekends. B) I wanted to catch up on sleep (and shopping) and C) I just didn’t feel like dealing with stupid people all weekend. I deal enough with them during the week.

Well, with Thanksging Break starting tuesday after my night class I figured I would get to hang with the bestest at some point this week. We haven’t had much fun in a while…she is always working and im at school. Last night we tried to hang with her friend B. Turns out she just wanted to get drunk and fuck this kid. So i dipped out. She drove with them to GC. YES, she f-ing drove drunk. The police followed her home. Apparently nothing happened. She just sent me a message saying she was nervous and stuff. I don’t feel sorry for her. If she is going to keep drinking and driving her ass deserves to be pulled over. Its not smart. If your dumbass is tryin to have sex (mostly unprotected….no wonder she has a kid…and have I mentioned this kid she was trying to hook up with was freakin 18…yea….) don’t get drunk then DRIVE his ass to GC.

I ran my first 5K on Thanksgiving. It was the Turkey Trot. I ran the first mile, walked the next mile and little bit, then ran the last mile. So 3.2 miles later, my time was 46:48. That isn’t BAD. But its not fabulous. Considering I walked part of it, its ok. My bubber and seestar were supposed to run with but dipped out last minute. I got a medal and a pretty sweet t-shirt tho.

The Siblings turned 18 yesterday (they are triplets) and Im pretty sure it was uneventful for them. I gave them all voter registration papers for their birfday because Im the political nerd.

On the love front, Im going to grow some balls and finally tell N how I feel. Im not fooling anyone and if I tell him (or write out what im going to tell him) I might have a better chance of finally moving on.

Talked to B yesterday. He said he was feeling down. Not depressed down, just not peppy and estatic. Which is weird. I really want to hang with him soon. Its been too long. I need a fix.

Im going to catch up on my ABC dramas. I didn’t get to see Men In Trees last week, so Im going to watch that, Samantha Who?, Grey’s, Ugly, and this weeks Men In Trees.

Oh yea. Im going back to Israel. In June. and I have to be in DC at the first of the year. I have a 6am flight to DC on New Years. Not sure how thrilled I am with that. Oh well. Keeps me from getting drunk.

Have a great Saturday!

 L

ps. ecrivain … I sometimes think she is in my brain. kinda weird. not gonna lie. I was just talking last night to B about cliques and being different that the norm. nutso. but its fun.

rants of frustration November 13, 2007

I just want to get a few things off of my chest. I have a lot of unwanted drama in my life.

Boys suck. Why can’t there be one boy. One boy I want. Is that really too much to ask for. Seriously.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Its like I think my life is working out the way I had hoped for and then next thing I know its coming crashing down around me.

 Maybe I just need to let go. But how do you let go with so much love  history….

But how do you do that with so much love

L

‘God is in the rain’ November 6, 2007

 Happy Guy Fawkes Day!!! Go watch V for Vendetta and enjoy the simple things in life…. 

A friend and I, unbeknownst to either of us, have both decided to suddenly take up running/working out. He on Sat. and myself on Sunday. Its quite the odd comodity that we would both randomly feel the need to start being more active.

I called B on my way out of the SAC this evening around 6:45 only to find he was just walking out of the gym. This startled me as it startled him to learn I too was walking out of the gym from my running. It made me giggle.

He posed an interesting question to me. What is my definition of being fit? After a few hours of pondering I have ruled out some things that cross many peoples minds. Here is my current list.

1. Being fit does not mean being stick thin. Personally, I would look quite odd super super skinny. I have pretty broad shoulders and wide hips. I would be very unproportional if that happened.

2. Being fit does not mean making myself sick. I am not going to start myself and force myself to be sick just to loose weight. It does not make any sense. I don’t even allow myself to puke when I really am sick. Why in the world would I make myself puke when I don’t have to!

3. Being fit does not mean I am doing this for anyone. Im doing this because I want to. Because I want to do something good for me. I am always doing things for everyone else but rarely do something just for me. This is one thing I am doing totally for me.

B asked another question. He asked what my ultimate goal was. I told him exactly what I thought at that exact moment. I have no idea. I do know that I want to be able to run long distances without wanting to pass out. I want to go shopping and by a smaller size. I want to feel good about myself.

So obviously I have a long way to go but I am excited about this journey I am starting. I will periodically tally up the miles I have been running and maybe be able to look back at this in March and be proud of my acomplishments!

Until then, I will listen to the soothing sounds of the rain falling on a cool fall night and drift into a place where I become more of who I want to be….

L

Who knew majoring in something would be so relevant to life November 5, 2007

History has a way of repeating itself whether we want it to or not. It just up and decides, Hey! Lets do this again and see if she will do any better this go around! As a Political Science/History Major in College, this is the one thing that stands true. Whether its war, politics, or love it all repeats itself in a sometimes vicious cycle….

Just when you think that life isn’t as complicated, it turns for the worst. And by worst I mean the worst complication that I have ever gotten myself into. Its really not that bad once I put it into perspective, however.

I have a TRIANGLE. No, lets call it a SQUARE. It was a TRIANGLE but now its a SQUARE. I will give you the background so as to show you why the change in geometric figures. I have these friends N,B,and G. We have been best friends for as long as I can remember during college. I first started out being friends with G, which lead to being friends with N and then B. For the longest time everything was fine and we had tons of fun. N and B graduated and it was just me and G. I would take turns hanging with each and at times 2 and on the rare occaision all 3. It got to the point that one would be jealous of another if I hung out with one and not the other. Now, I am by no means complaining that my friends want to hang out with me so much. BUT. I think now is a good time to mention that all 3 (N,G, and B)are guys.

I have a history. I had liked N for the 3 years we were in college together. I also believe that he in turn liked me. But due to the perpetual TRIANGLE of our friendship it was always a flirtacious act or smile that kept the fire going. Nothing ver happened. No Kissing. No Sex. Just us hanging out, being awkwardly ourselves. He paid for outings. He always called. He was the perfect guy right? Not so much. Our political stances and our identical personalities however always caused an explosion. Myself being of more of a leftward leaning and him being more right-leaning always caused for more drama than necessary. A friendly conversation always ended up with one of us being deflated, mad, and clamed up. Normally that person was me. There were times that for months I would simply not speak to him. He still called, he still hung out with friends when I was there. I was cordial. It wasn’t the arguements that caused my silence. It was the fact that for 3 years of my life I had not dated. Anytime I tried, N would be in the back of my mind. It was like I was being plagued by the wishes that might become reality. Most guys at school wouldn’t try to date me simply because they thought we were together. It wasn’t until this past summer that I started dating. *see my first post for details* This was kept a secret from N and G. B was the first person to know about my dating M. It wasn’t for 2 weeks that I told N, mainly because I knew that all the free world would know within about 3 hours. This is where it becomes a SQUARE. N’s friend BH is one of my friends as well because we always all hang out together as a group. BH knew about my boyfriend. Once N found out BH had known for about 2 weeks, he got pretty mad. I think it was more of him getting mad at me for actually dating someone and turning my entire attention to someone other than him. But he soon got over this.

When I broke up with M, the first person I called was N. I knew he would be the person that would be there for me. And he was. This is where history starts repeating. We have hung out a ton and talk all the time. We have matured a lot and aren’t quite as childish in our arguing. But there is still that spark. Neither one of us have the balls or audacity to do anything about it. I can’t keep putting myself into these situations. Its not healthy and it seems like I am off the market. I am not. Im 100% single.

Maybe I will gain some courage and tell him. Im just afraid if I do, my SQUARE will become a dot. The SQUARE is my lifeline. Those  boys are 4 of my closest and best friends. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t talk to at least 2 if not all of them. So its not so complicated. Just something I need to think about for a while and let whatever happens, happen. I can’t keep trying to please everyone. I have to please myself first.

So yes,History repeats itself. If your lucky, you will have a second chance to make the best out of a situation. I just hope my second chance isn’t my last….

L

Never agree to run long distance when you are intoxicated…. November 5, 2007

So apparently in a drunken state after G’s Senior Recital I committed to running a marathon. Yes, a Marathon. 26.2 MILES. RUNNING.

Now, Im not one to go back on my word. Drunken or not. So as I was hanging out in my room today, I was telling the roommate about it. She runs. ALOT. Like, she is on the Cross Country and Track teams here and works for FLOTrack. She laughed at me and she said she hasn’t even run a marathon or even a half marathon. This made me feel loads better. Let me tell you. The girl who runs 5 and 6 K’s every weekend told me she wouldn’t ever run that many miles at once. But I have decided that it may be fun. Im going to start running at least 3 miles on the Eliptical and bike 5 miles every day. Just to start getting in shape. I think a few of us may run the 4 person relay marathon! I really want to run it because I want to run it in memory of K.  I think with him looking down on me, I can do it.

I started a little bit of conditioning today. I ran 3 miles on the eliptical and got bored. So I biked for 5 miles. After that I went to L’s to grab some food and hang for a few. We decided to play tennis. So for an hour and a half we played tennis with S and G. Afterwards S and I went for a run at the dam. We ran about a mile and a half and played with a cute kitty. We named her Lightening the Dam Kitty.

When I got back I talked to A for a while. I miss that boy. He lives in Boston and I never get to see him. I told him how I would have my friend B’s *Jew Babies* if I could. He reminded me that I was going to have his *Jew Babies* as well. I then proceeded to call me a *Jew Baby Factory* and before he realized what he had said we both erupted into laughter. Just like this past summer. Working for THE LOBBY might have been one of my favorite things ever. I have never met so mant amazing people that would change my life so much.

Speaking of THE LOBBY, I talked with C today who runs Marathons. Im trying to get him to come to TN to run it with me. He may! He is running 10 Marathons next year and has only signed up for 4 so far. I really hope he does. Having him and his GF down would be tons of fun! I always enjoy it when my friends from THE LOBBY come to visit!

Well, thats all I have on updates right now. Maybe I will be able to update more on some stuff tomorrow. Until then….

L